FDA Worried That San Francisco Bay Area Girls May Have Ruined Their Sex Lives

Bang-a-Google-Exec Program Misfires Badly

By Wendy Porter (Parody)

The Fiscal Development Association is concerned that San Francisco females may have ruined their vaginas and sex lives by seeking goals that have caused them to be over-fucked. Having too much indiscriminate sex while seeking validation and tech industry trophy husbands is said to ruin women by the time they are 28 years old in the Bay Area.

In Ohio, the ARA (average ruination age) exceeds 39 years of age but in the competitive San Francisco scene the young girls are dredged-out at a much younger age.

Previously, it was armies of young girls sent to Standford and Berkeley University to find rich husbands that caused the sex glut. In the dot com period, the sex glut was amped up by Ukrainian prostitutes who were flown in by the droves to try to bag a dot com billionaire.

Today, Asian women are arriving, mostly from China, with orders from rich dynastic families to “bag anything that moves”. In Palo Alto, California, it is now almost impossible to find a tech guy not attached umbilical-like to his assigned Asian girlfriend.

The internet has created a metric to quantitatively measure the amount of sex a Bay Area girl has had using linear measurement. With the average penis being six inches and the number of thrusts being six inches in and six inches out, this numerical value system counts one in and out thrust as a “fuck”. Because Bay Area women are so worn out, they require extra time to achieve orgasm at one-foot-per-fuck. The average woman in the Bay Area can measure how much dick she has had in miles, whereas the average woman in Ohio can still measure how much dick she has had by age 38 in feet.

HHS says that over 1/3 of San Francisco women have sexually transmitted diseases. A close-up examination of the vagina of the average San Francisco women shows that there are over 20 red marks, sores, lesions, cysts, vaginal pimples, friction burns, warts and STD scars. You can tell how many miles of dick a San Francisco girl has had by looking at her groin and counting the red marks. San Francisco and Marin County created the trend of cosmetic vaginal surgery due to the huge numbers of floppy labia caused by the frequent flyer sexual phenomenon in the Bay Area.

The typical San Francisco life cycle of a girl starts at Stanford University where they become frat house playthings. 20% of them fall out of the pool as a “baby oven” for some frat boy. It is at this point that they acquire their tramp stamp or nose ring. From there they move to the San Francisco Marina District and wander Chestnut Street looking for loud sports bars. Once they get their first husband in the Marina District they move over-the-bridge to Marin County where their interest in sex disappears as they plod through the soul-sucking realization that babies do not take care of themselves. The babies are “Alimony Guarantees” for these gals. By the time they are on their third husband, their vagina's are numb and sex is “just a nightmare of a job” to most.

Men who work for Google and Facebook are mostly to blame for this. They are deeply misogynistic and hire east Indian programmers who came from a culture that promotes rape.

Match.com in the Bay Area looks like a Walmart version of hooker row in the Bronx. Sex is the commodity that San Francisco ruined.